WELCOME BACK FOX.
Updated: Mar 19, 2019
So it has been a hot minute since I last posted anything on this blog and this is due to multiple things that have happened in my life that I had no control on and though I always have the blog on my mind I fail to actually act on my needs and this is mainly due to an issue I’d like to discuss with y’all.
So, when asked why I’m not producing any writing I always answer with two big lies:
I’m too busy looking for a job/ working on my dissertation (when I had to work on one) and basically blame it on lack of good time management skills
I have no help in taking stills for my copy and a blog has the need for visuals in order for a blog post to be appealing.
The truth of the matter is that I’m the queen of time management and I do have a killer camera which I invested on not long time ago.
So what stops me from doing something I actually love and utterly enjoy?
Well, it is not news that I suffer from mental health issues. Some people that know me personally think I’m this bubbly force of nature that is always larger than life. But the truth of the matter is that I struggle daily with the big D.
Most of the times I have no energy and spend whole days not leaving my bed nor my room and just binge on Netflix and cry desperately because I’m not able to find a reason to get on with my day. And eventually, I do, I do get up, I do shower, I do go to work (because I need a roof under which keep my routine going) and then go back home and do it all again.
Though this issue of mine has always been lingering at the back of my head I was always able to find something else to focus and be in some way a more active version of myself. Yet, lately, all this has become more difficult to bear. A lot of things that I thought made me whole suddenly went missing, for one reason or another and because I do not live around my core family I cannot just take a break go to my mother and have her hug me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. Although she tells me that every time we speak on the phone I just which all this paid and this feeling of helplessness would just stop.
Though I acknowledge that there is so much more to life than the little things and all of us have a reason for being alive right now I see no light. And that pains me so much.
So if you feel a little bit like me, talk with someone, find a way to express this tortuous feeling because I’m sure there is more to life than this, and I’m willing to discover it.
And if you don’t feel like you can talk to people near you I am happy to listen to you because I know how hard it is to admit this to yourself let alone people around you who think they know better and might not be willing to listen.
Take care of you babe.